Saturday, March 22, 2008
broken silence
empty... that's the best way i can describe what i am right now. nothing really matters to me now, i dont really care about anything lately ever since... ever since you were gone. i told myself i'd forget about you but i really can't. i see you everywhere, even the smallest connections to you i go crazy on what i lost... the places we've been, the long conversations we used ot have... hell, i go crazy if i happen to pass by somewhere we just walked by. what's worse is every single moment my mind plays back of what we used to be, and every moment is agony because deep down i really want to be back to where we were... but i can't. im in chains... i can't seem to move at all... everything is just passing by me while i stare away into nothing... it's been six months now, i should have gotten over it, over you. maybe i'm getting there, i should be happy, i should smile again coz im getting used to being without you but i can't, i won't... how can i smile and be happy about the fact that i'm used to being without you? you were my world, you were my everything. a day didn't pass by when the thought of you didn't come to my head. but what really drives me crazy is did i really love you? you see, i really cared for you, i wanted to make you laugh all the time because your voice, your laughter, your smile, i could look at it forever and i would be happy... i wanted to take care of you, i wanted to be your knight that would do anything for his princess coz that's what you want and what you are to me, a princess. i wanted to be a part of your world and hoped that you would like mine. and.. i wanted to make you feel safe around me because when i'm with you, that's how i feel... i can close my eyes, i can let my guard down, i can rest for everything will be alright coz you're there... but then, when i didn't get what expected, when you couldn't give me what i wanted, i made you change and you did... but that's wrong... i'm sorry for ever making you do that... i guess i really didn't love you. maybe i fell in love with the notion of falling in love and not with you. but for what it's worth, i really do care about you, i still do... i'm so sorry, so so sorry... i guess this is what my chains are made out of, guilt. i struggle everyday to be free but i don't have the strength, but there are those who ease my pain, my friends, my true friends. you picked up every shattered piece of me and helped in making me whole again. i'm truly grateful to the one who kept me together, the one that gave me the will to move on. when i felt like i was living in perpetual darkness, you gave your hand to me and picked me up... you ended my night, you are my dawn... everyday i stare up the sky to watch another shooting star pass me by...
revealed by james at 3:16 AM
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Thursday, November 15, 2007
better late than never...
i was supposed to post this a long time ago but i never got to do it because i thought it wasn't good enough. anyway, i hope she gets to read this but i know that won't probably happen...you caught me by suprise, i was perfectly lonely and desolate inside my walls. i was just getting used to the cold but you, you happened. why is everything i built to protect me crumbling?! my defenses against the likes of you are faltering. i can't, i musn't, i won't... but, no matter what i did, i experienced something that i swore i won't ever do again... and that is to feel... to fall... i can't help it, every inch of my body screams that i want and i need to be with you. your eyes, when they look at me, all my insecurities are washed away. your voice, the moment i hear it, i know that i am not alone anymore, and you, your very being, your very presence makes me wonder what did i ever do to deserve to know and be with someone like you...
revealed by james at 6:23 PM
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Saturday, September 01, 2007
for you
I feel lost without you baby I wish that you can hear me now You know the silence drives me crazy I wish I were with you somehow But I know that's impossible It would take more than a miracle To be where you are~ Your presence is just too far. Not physical, not emotional Not spiritual at all Not logical, nonsensical It's all ephemeral There's nothing in this world That I can do to be with you I admit defeat, Baby you're out of my reach. You know the days are slowly passing But right now I don't really care Without you I'm just slowly dying I might as well run out of air But I know that's not what you want for me You'd want me to be the best that I can be Please tell me where you are~ Your presence is just too far. I admit defeat, Baby you're out of my reach. -by ryan monje i know you may not ever get to read this... i dont know if we'll ever see or speak to each other again... but i really do hope that our paths cross again and maybe that time, we'll work...
revealed by james at 3:30 AM
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Monday, August 06, 2007
...
I always needed time on my own I never thought I'd need you there when I cry And the days feel like years when I'm alone And the bed where you lie is made up on your side When you walk away I count the steps that you take Do you see how much I need you right now? When you're gone The pieces of my heart are missing you When you're gone The face I came to know is missing too When you're gone All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day And make it OK I miss you I've never felt this way before Everything that I do Reminds me of you And the clothes you left they lie on my floor And they smell just like you I love the things that you do When you walk away I count the steps that you take Do you see how much I need you right now? When you're gone The pieces of my heart are missing you When you're gone The face I came to know is missing too And when you're gone The words I need to hear to always get me through the day And make it OK I miss you We were made for each other Out here forever I know we were All I ever wanted was for you to know Everything I do I give my heart and soul I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me When you're gone The pieces of my heart are missing you When you're gone The face I came to know is missing too When you're gone The words I need to hear will always get me through the day And make it OK I miss you
revealed by james at 5:56 AM
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Tuesday, June 19, 2007
tagged!
i was tagged by rach so here goes: Instructions: Each player of this game starts with 6 weird things about him/her. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog. 1.when i eat siomais at home, i separate the wrapper from the meat then eat them separately. 2.you know how people are killed with pillows? thats how i sleep. its a miracle im still alive. 3.when i see someone infront of me cry, i cry as well. 4.when im in my room and i remember something bad or embarassing, i thrash about an hit anything i see. 5.like rach's #5, i also like the smell of her fart! just joking! haha. i like my own brand. hehehe 6.i still enjoy playing pokemon. are you lauging?! screw you! haha anyway this is not my official comeback post. im still mustering all the cheese in me. also, i wont tag anyone, im too lazy to name people. haha
revealed by james at 5:43 AM
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Tuesday, December 05, 2006
blah blah blah
here's the first of my non-cheese posts! haha! well let's see, what will blog about... well, a few weeks ago i watched james bond with some of my friends. the early parts were amazing but as the movie went on, it was kinda boring for me. come on, there were no gizmos or gadgets james bond was known for! his car didn't have any frigging thing modified!!! but props to james bond for his great tastes in cars. pag ako mayaman na ganun din kotse ko!!! hahaha! but before we watched the movie, my friends and i ate at dimsum and dumplings. i wanted to try their eat all you can siomai promo. hehehe. so here's the high part of my dinner: james:(after 40, yes 40, pieces of siomai) miss, anong record ng pinakamaraming siomai dito?? waitress: just smiles james: pano ba yan pare ayaw sabihin eh! friend: alam mo bakit?? baka ibreak mo raw! malulugi sila! haha
yes, that was one of my most gluttonous escapades as of yet. ok im gonna go semi cheese... i guess the reason why i didn't enjoy the movie that much because my mind and heart were elsewhere... i think i might or really is a good movie but i really wanted to watch another movie with another person... i'll tell the movie but not the person, hahaha! i really wanted to watch happy feet especially with that person but shit happens... haaiiizzz... i eventually got to watch it with my best friends but still my heart wasn't there... anyway, during happy feet, my friends kept on bugging me that happy feet was about me. well yeah, i can kinda relate to how mumble must have felt growing up. ah pakshit! bawal na emo! haha. anyway it was a really good movie, i was laughing everytime!!! but for me, i think the story had a gap and had kinda weird ending. but all in all it was great. i guess that's it for now... im still have lots of things to work out with so little time... when will things ever go my way?!? hay... anyway i'll leave you guys with this song so you'll know how i've been feeling recently. Close the door I feel a breeze Hold me please I hate to be alone It's a cold night Turn off the light Come take my hand and...
Listen to these things I have to say Please understand She left me all alone again
Clear the room Of every memory I don't want that song back on It's an endless maze Take away this haze Please mend my heart and...
Listen to these things I have to say Please understand She left me all alone again
Turn away Don't want you to see me cry I just want things the way they were It's so hard to say goodbye Wipe my tears and...
Listen to these things I have to say Please understand She left me all alone again
This I ask of you Please stay with me Until she comes back...
revealed by james at 1:01 AM
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Thursday, November 23, 2006
The End of Cheese
I hate the way you are So mean to me by far The most frigid girl That i have ever known You speak loudly, but When i'm not around You'll be just like them So shallow and obnoxious Please... That's enough… That's enough… Please... I've said this a million times before And i'm sick But all that i need And all that i bleed And all that i care for Is you You said that you'd call But time you'll be at home But you never did You said you did mean to Now i'm outraged As if we're engaged You made me realize I'm just your alibi Please... That's enough… That's enough… Please... I've said this a million times before And i'm sick But all that i need And all that i bleed And all that i care for Is you And all that i need And all that i bleed And all that i care for Is you I hate you.. This is it. What you see is true, this may be my final blog entry. Im tired of everything. Tired of not being appreciated, tired of feeling sorry for myself tired of thinking what might have been, tired of punishing myself about thing I should have done, tired of pretending who I am not, and im tired of getting hurt all the time. Well, no more… I don’t want to feel anything. My life has been a constant downward spiral since… since my heart started beating… everything changed… I was slowly losing my sanity and I guess I had at some point. Enough of this madness… I thought that everything will be worth it as long as I get my wish… but no, its not… so from now on, I will feel no more. Why do these things happen to me? I don’t deserve it… hell, no one does. Why is it so fucking hard?! Before all of this, I had a plan. I was on a path. I got lost but now that changes. I will do what I had been planning all my life. Nothing can stop me now… I think there is one thing but I doubt that will happen soon. Enough of my bullshit, emotional my ass, im done with that.
revealed by james at 6:46 AM
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