empty... that's the best way i can describe what i am right now. nothing really matters to me now, i dont really care about anything lately ever since... ever since you were gone. i told myself i'd forget about you but i really can't. i see you everywhere, even the smallest connections to you i go crazy on what i lost... the places we've been, the long conversations we used ot have... hell, i go crazy if i happen to pass by somewhere we just walked by. what's worse is every single moment my mind plays back of what we used to be, and every moment is agony because deep down i really want to be back to where we were... but i can't.


im in chains... i can't seem to move at all... everything is just passing by me while i stare away into nothing... it's been six months now, i should have gotten over it, over you. maybe i'm getting there, i should be happy, i should smile again coz im getting used to being without you but i can't, i won't... how can i smile and be happy about the fact that i'm used to being without you? you were my world, you were my everything. a day didn't pass by when the thought of you didn't come to my head. but what really drives me crazy is did i really love you? you see, i really cared for you, i wanted to make you laugh all the time because your voice, your laughter, your smile, i could look at it forever and i would be happy... i wanted to take care of you, i wanted to be your knight that would do anything for his princess coz that's what you want and what you are to me, a princess. i wanted to be a part of your world and hoped that you would like mine. and.. i wanted to make you feel safe around me because when i'm with you, that's how i feel... i can close my eyes, i can let my guard down, i can rest for everything will be alright coz you're there... but then, when i didn't get what expected, when you couldn't give me what i wanted, i made you change and you did... but that's wrong... i'm sorry for ever making you do that... i guess i really didn't love you. maybe i fell in love with the notion of falling in love and not with you. but for what it's worth, i really do care about you, i still do... i'm so sorry, so so sorry... i guess this is what my chains are made out of, guilt. i struggle everyday to be free but i don't have the strength, but there are those who ease my pain, my friends, my true friends. you picked up every shattered piece of me and helped in making me whole again. i'm truly grateful to the one who kept me together, the one that gave me the will to move on. when i felt like i was living in perpetual darkness, you gave your hand to me and picked me up... you ended my night, you are my dawn...


everyday i stare up the sky to watch another shooting star pass me by...

revealed by james at 3:16 AM

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